In Search of God – Album Sahaja Sadhana by Sanjay Roshan Talwar

This Poem was a Ghazal that I sang in my Album Sahaja Sadhana, released by Shree Mataji in 1990.

The beauty of this song is, that it was written by me sitting at Her Lotus feet at Pratishthan in Pune in Dec 1989. Shree Mataji offered to correct the poetry and gave some invaluable contribution to it, making it a divine piece of work.

One day I am hopeful I shall present it before you in our forthcoming film projects. Inshallah. Today in Diwali day I look back and cherish these wonderful memories of times in Her Divine countenance!

Jai Shree Mataji

तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला

तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,
एबो-असर के दौर से, जहाँ रंगी थी मेरी चादर।-2
जिन फितरतों की साज़िश का, मै बना था मुजरिम,
शामिल था उनमें एक दिन, अब दिल में आज तू है।।-2
तुझे ढंूढने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,

था फ़िकरे-कल में डूबा, ना गुज़रा कल था भूला।
थी गंूजती आवाजें, ज़हने-सकंू हिला दें।।-2
कमजर्फ़ हलचलों से उठकर, जो मैंने देखा।
साहिल पे मैं खड़ा था, सागर के बीच तू है।।-2
तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,

आना की ही बदौलत, मेरी आदतें थी कायम।
जिन खामियों की खातिर, अदबों-अदाब भूला।।-2
ऐसे वज़न बने ये, तेरी रौशनी में आकर।
क्यों डूबती है नैया, जब ना-खुदा ही तू है।।-2
तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,

नजरें गुरूर की जब, बदलीं, हुई इनायत।
चिल्मन हटा के, तेरे कदमों का नूर देखा।।-2
जन्नत यही है मेरी, ये इल्म जग गया है।
तेरा पाँव हाथ में है, गर ज़हन बीच तू है।।-2
तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,

तेरी बन्दगी ही है अब, हमनफ़स का तकाज़ा।
कमाल-ए-ऐसा जलवा, शामें-सकूँ है लाता।।-2
तेरी बज़्म में पहुँचकर अब वो मकाॅ है पाया।
हर शै में है परस्ति, मेरी जिन्दगी ही तू है।।-2

तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर,
एबो-असर के दौर से, जहाँ रंगी थी मेरी चादर।-2
जिन फितरतों की साज़िश का, मै बना था मुजरिम,
शामिल था उनमें एक दिन, अब दिल में आज तू है।।-2
तुझे ढूँडने हूँ निकला, मैं वो मकाँ पहुँचकर……..

 

TUJHE DHOONDNE HOON NIKLA

TUJHE DHOONDNE HOON NIKLA. MEIN V0 MAKAAN PAHUNCHKAR.
AAIB-O-ASAR KE DAUR SE, JAHAN RANGI THI MERI CHAADAR x2
JIN FITARATON KI SAAZISH KA, MEIN BANA THA MUJRIM,
SHAAMIL THA UNME EK DIN, *AB DIL MEIN AA] TU HAI x2

THA FIKR-E-KAL MEIN DOOBA, NA GUZRA KAL THA BHOOLA.
YE GOONJTI AAWAAZEN,*ZEHN-E-SAKOON HILA DEIN x2
KAMZARPH HALCHALON SE UTHKAR J0 MAINE DEKHA,
SAHIL PE MEIN KHADA THA, *SAAGAR KE BEECH TU HAI x2
TUJHE DHOONDNE HOON NIKLA……

AANA KI HI BADAULAT, MERI AADTAIN THI KAAYAM.
JIN KHAAMIYON KI KHAATIR, *ADAB-O-ADAAB BHOOLA X2
AISE VAZAN BANAY YE, TERI ROSHANI MEIN AAKAR,
KYON DOOBTI HA1 NAIYYA, *JAB NA-KHUDA HI TU HAI x2
TUJHE DHOONDNE HOON NIKLA…

NAZAREN GUROOR KI JAB, BADLIN, HUWI INAAYAT.
CHILMAN HATA KE TERE *KADMON KA NOOR DEKHA x2
JANNAT YEHI HA1 MERI, YE ILM JAG GAYA HAI,
TERA PAAV HAATH MEIN HAI, *GAR ZEHEN BEECH TU HAI X2
TUJHE DHOONDNE HOON NIKLA…

TERI BANDAGI HI HAI AB, HUMNAFS KA TAKAZA.
KAMAAL-E-AISA JALWA *SHAAM-E-SAKOON HA1 LAATA x2
TERI BAZM MEIN PAHUNCHKAR, AB VO MAKAM HA1 PAAYA
HAR SHEY MEIN HAI PARASTI, *MERI ZINDAGI HI TU HAI x2
TUJHE DHOONDNE NIKLA……

 

ENGLISH TRANSLATION THE STORY OF MY ASCENT (IN SEARCH OF..)

I HAVE COME IN SEARCH OF YOU, 0 DIVINE!, AT THAT STAGE OF MY LIFE, WHERE MY TRUE SELF HAD BEEN HIDDEN BY VEILS OF IGNORANCE & SELF INDULGENCE. I HAD BEEN THE VICTIM OF THE DEVIOUS DESIGNS OF THE MUNDANE. SO INVOLVED WAS I ONCE, IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD, BUT TODAY. IT IS YOU AND YOU ALONE WHO RESIDES IN MY HEART, O DIVINE!

SO LOST WAS I, PLANNING THE FUTURE, RETAINING ALL THE CONDITIONINGS OF MY PAST, THAT THE RESONATING ECHOS OF THEIR THOUGHTS CAUSED RIPPLES OF DISSONANCE IN MY ‘SO CALLED’ PEACEFUL EXISTENCE. THEN I SAW MYSELF BEING UPLIFTED & RAISED ABOVE SUCH CHAOTIC HUMDRUM. AND WHILST I STOOD ON THE SHORES, YOU, IN YOUR COMPASSION, WERE CALLING ME FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN. O DIVINE!

I SOON REALIZED THAT MY EGO HAD BEEN THE CAUSE OF ALL MY CONDITIONINGS WHICH HAD FORMED VEILS OF IGNORANCE. AND BEFORE THIS BECAME APPARENT, I HAD ALREADY BEGUN TO VIOLATE THE DIVINE PROTOCOL. AS I WAS EXPOSED TO YOUR DIVINE COUNTENANCE, THIS REVELATION BEGAN TO WEIGH HEAVILY ON ME, I STARTED QUESTIONING MYSELF- “ WHY DOES THE BOAT OF MY LIFE APPEAR TO SINK, WHEN I KNOW THAT YOU ALONE ARE ARE ITS NAVIGATOR O DIVINE!

AS THE BALLOON OF MY EGO BEGUN TO DEFLATE, I FELT THE FLOW OF YOUR DIVINE GRACE. I SAW THE CURTAIN OF IGNORANCE BEING LIFTED, AND A CLEAR VISION OF YOUR DIVINE STEPS UNFOLD UNTO ME. ALMOST SIMULTANEOUSLY I FOUND MYSELF NEAR YOUR DIVINE FEET, TOUCHING THEM, AS YOU BEGAN TO ENTER AND RESIDE IN MY BRAIN AND HEART – INTEGRATING THE TWO, O DIVINE!

TO BE IN PRAYER TO YOU IS THE ONLY EXPERIENTIAL SOLUTION FOR OUR HUMAN RACE. MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF IT HAS USHERED A STATE OF PERFECT JOY & PEACE IN ME. AND NOW, HAVING MADE IT WITHIN REACH OF YOUR MOTHERLY EMBRACE(UNDER YOUR PROTECTIVE GRACE), I HAVE ACHIEVED THAT STATE, WHERE IN I CAN APPRECIATE EVERYTHING AS A REFLECTION OF YOUR BEAUTY, AS YOU ARE THE VERY PURPOSE OF MY LIFE.